Grief, Hurt, Pain, Heartache & Anxiety

Sometimes i just feel like there's a lot of grief, hurt, pain, heartbreak, lost & anxiety

I lost a lot of people in my life... my grandma, my other grandmother (Mom) is what we liked to call her, my pop-pop's, my best friend Jade and more... I've felt so much silence in my life to where i have to grief in my own silence...

I'm like the glue to my family... the piece of the family that holds everyone together, the joy to my family, the happiness in my family... I just feel like i have to put a smile on my face to make sure that the people i LOVE and CARE about are okay...

The heartache is because im holding onto someone who doesn't want to be in my life anymore... I always thought that it was okay for him to stay in my life... but i was wrong... It’s the heartache, the pain and the toxicity that i have hold onto with him in my life.

He made me feel the anger, the pain, the hurt, the gulit, the heartache, the loss. the madness, the anixety, the broken part of me that I didn't want to come too.. I thought holding onto him was going to bring the happiness, the joyfulness, the laughter, the good parts of me back..

I had to realize that he was the main part that I couldn't let go.. he was the main part of my pain, my hurt, my heartache... he was part that I wouldn't let go of... so I let him I set him free... so...

I had to go to my village because they are the reasons why I'm here today.. they've been by my side for the long road and I'm so glad to call them my village, my family, my best friends. my reason to keep going. my reason to stay true to who I am, who i need to be and who i want to be.

Some of the parts wouldn't be there forever, Some of the parts you have to let go of and some of the parts you have to hold onto.. that was my toughest choice and that's my hardest lesson that i had to understand and realize.